Relationships Part I.

It has been quite some time since I wrote a new post.  To be honest, the last post had been sitting idly by in some folder for almost a week.  It even took me several days to get around to writing this post.  Lately, I find myself looking for things to distract me, to keep my mind away from thinking about scripture and thus, God.  Surprisingly, yet not so surprisingly, I found it unnervingly easy to avoid writing and thus reflect on what I learned.  But finally, here I am writing about our discussion during small group last Friday. 

So what is the purpose of dating?

Some argue the purpose of dating, is to ultimately lead to finding the one person you will spend the rest of your life with.  Others liken it to ‘shopping around’ and justify dating numerous people as ‘practice’.  While still some date based solely on superficial appearances, regardless of a viable future.  But is dating a cultural phenomenon or is it universal? 

There is no way of knowing since people learn how to date through different methods.  Most will tell you that they learned how to date through television shows or movies.  Koreans in particular will idealize dating and marriage through Korean dramas.  As there is no course on ‘How to date 101’, it is safe to assume we learn it through observation.  We see popular culture, our friends, and our parents and glean from them, what it is to date.  Or, at the very least, what is expected of dating by our society’s standards. 

Thus, I can only speak of my opinion on the matter.

In my opinion, the purpose of dating is to find that one person who can understand and accept us.  One person who accepts us for who we are, past the bs.  We oftentimes put up a front.  The world can only know this exterior façade, and only the privileged few are privy to our inner-most thoughts.  But through dating, one gets past our wall and is able to truly connect on a level, deeper than the surface persona we exude to the world.  Some call this trust, others deem it as vulnerability, but in fact they both go hand in hand.  It is like the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg?  You do not want to be vulnerable without trust, but cannot inspire trust if not willing to be in a position of vulnerability.  Maybe that is why people fear of commitment.  They are those unwilling to become vulnerable, by opening up to another person, showing who they are underneath the surface.  One of my greatest fears is that once my true personality is exposed, it will not only change people’s perceptions but also lead to the realization, they no longer want to associate with me.  This fear may be irrational, it may be unwarranted, but it does not stop me from trying desperately to hide the fact that I am flawed. 

Appearances can be quite deceiving. 

So what is the purpose of short-term dating?  It is easy to say the purpose is for instant gratification.  Because to be honest, in most cases it is.  And since we do not know a person past outward appearances, the majority of our attraction is based solely on physical appearance and initial impression.  Thus, the short-term is governed by superficial similarities in interest and mutual acceptance of the other’s physical attractiveness.  We all know the expected answers.  Since there is no future, the goal should never be to date short-term.  Because eventually, all dating should lead to marriage.   As Christians, we are programmed to look at all relationships with marriage as the fulfillment of the purpose of dating. 

As I speak on the principles of dating, I find myself a hypocrite.  Even though I know that short-term dating is seen as a waste of time, I find it impossible to know whether there is a future without dating.  How does one know if that guy or that girl will be your future spouse without dating?  Christians frown upon dating around, but frankly speaking without it, it is inconceivable to find that one significant other who is meant for us. 

I believe that God indeed has a person who He has selected as befitting.  We do not know when or where this person may appear; since as mere mortals we cannot even begin to comprehend the plan dictated for us.  We will more than likely be, unprepared, unwilling or emotionally unavailable, but God uses our situation to bring that special person to us.  Thus, I find myself seeking God first.  It is beyond our scope and power.  As such, I trust in God and pray that He will bring the right person.  This does not mean that we should be complacent and shouldn’t seek ourselves, since praying for a girlfriend or boyfriend won’t crank up the love in some stranger.  As in any opportunity given to us by God, we must equally work for it.  So whatever relationship I forge, I believe that they should always be centered on God.  

But more on that later in upcoming entries.